For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Greek word translated: ἀφίημι aphiémi (Strong’s 863).

That God can forgive is easy to grasp, He can do whatever he wants; He is merciful without end –  we might be tempted to say that it costs nothing for Him to forgive but Jesus’ immediate commentary, following the example of how to pray (The Lord’s Prayer), makes divine forgiveness conditional.

Jesus gave a powerful parable about the ‘unmerciful’ servant, who is forgiven the huge debt owed to his master but, in turn, does not forgive his debtor owing a paltry sum.  On discovering this, the master reverses his decision and casts the unworthy servant upon the dubious mercy of his creditors.

‘Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said, “I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.  Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?”  In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

‘This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.’  (Matthew 18:32-35)

Aphiémi means to send away, to release or permit.  This seems a little way from the English vernacular.  To forgive is often associated with accepting an apology or pardoning, or it is twinned with forgetting, but this is not the correct meaning of the verb.  The noun, forgiveness, derives from the Anglo Saxon, forgiefnes and this did not mean to pardon or excuse.  The Old English prefix for- means ‘against or away’ while giefan means ‘to give’, so, to forgive, is literally ‘to give away’ or by extension, implicitly, ‘to give away at cost to myself’.  So, in aphiémi there is the sense that those that have wronged us are dismissed or sent away (let off) but with the Anglo-Saxon more of the transactional nature is revealed.

Examining this word, then, reveals at least two things, firstly, forgiveness is a decision as opposed to a feeling, and secondly, forgiveness is a contract (which sometimes seems one-sided).

As seen above, the easiest way to grasp this is by illustration.

A man is punched so hard by another that he suffers permanent injury, say, the loss of his sight.  The injured man follows Christ and is required to forgive.  He may be in the grip of a range of feelings or of revenge fantasies, enacting how he might do the same or worse to his attacker; nonetheless, he is commanded to forgive.

Alternatively, he may turn the responsibility upon himself, blaming himself in some way for the attack.  Of course, it is possible that he, in some small way, may not be entirely blameless and gave some cause that provoked the act of violence – he might have acted without consideration or kindness.  Yet, even if the attack is entirely unprovoked, it is not uncommon for the victim, especially within the context of abusive relationships, to take the guilt upon themselves for their abuser’s actions – yet, the command to forgive remains the same.

By this decision to forgive, the injured man effectively gives away all right to seek retribution – but also to right to continue to ‘punish’ himself by replaying the incident over and over, or through taking on shame.

For those in Christ, punishing of oneself is an act of disobedience just as much as when we punish others.  In this, the command to forgive institutes an act of healing.  Jesus continually linked acts of healing with forgiveness of sin.

Jesus stepped into a boat, crossed over and came to his own town.  Some men brought to him a paralysed man, lying on a mat. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the man, ‘Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven.’

At this, some of the teachers of the law said to themselves, ‘This fellow is blaspheming!’

Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, ‘Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?  Which is easier: to say, “Your sins are forgiven,” or to say, “Get up and walk”?  But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.’ So, he said to the paralysed man, ‘Get up, take your mat and go home.’  Then the man got up and went home.  When the crowd saw this, they were filled with awe; and they praised God, who had given such authority to man.  (Matthew 9:1-7)

The outworking of sin eats men and women alive and here, as elsewhere, Jesus links sin and illness, albeit paralysis in this case.

When anyone fails to forgive another, the sense of grievance erodes well-being.  To carry a grudge effects no one but the carrier.  The famous quote, variously attributed to Nelson Mandela and Buddha Gautama, ‘resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die’ expresses this concept well.

Besides, the Lord God alone has the right to punish; only a wholly righteous judge can dispense righteous justice, hence, He alone can say, ‘vengeance is mine’ (Deuteronomy 32:35) – here quoted by Paul:

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.  (Romans 12:19)

And this is, of course, another reason that should prompt the Christian to act with forgiveness; every act, whether good or evil, is recorded and judged and for every evil act, due punishment paid.

For God will bring every deed into judgment,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil.  (Ecclesiastes 12:14)

And fear is a good motivator when imperfect love fails and commandments are disobeyed.  Destruction awaits any that sin and do not live in Christ.

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.  (Matthew 10:28)

Not only can the man who was punched rest in the sure knowledge that his attacker will not get away with it (ultimately), he should also realise full well, that he himself will get away with nothing, either; thus if he does not forgive, he himself will bear the punishment for his evil acts – and if he is self-righteous enough to convince himself that he has committed no evil, he should bear in mind:

 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.  (Romans 3:23-24)

By the act of redemption upon the Cross, God does not punish those who belief in Christ, rather, he promises to take that upon himself in the person of his Son – but as the Lord Jesus’ half-brother tells us (James 2:24) the evidence of faith is works.  Faith requires the keeping of Jesus’ commandments, including extending forgiveness as an act of selfless love to your neighbour.

It should also be noted that forgiveness is never dependent on the other party offering an apology, showing contrition or admitting guilt.  In the example, the man who punched the other might be quite unrepentant, but this makes no difference, he is to be forgiven by his victim anyway.

However, continuing with this story, what if the attacker is contrite and apologises? What if he even asks for forgiveness and is forgiven?  This does not undo the act, irreparable damage is done.  Neither is it forgotten; not by the injured man who now has to live with blindness, nor by the attacker who has this tragedy on his conscience – and as seen before, it is not forgotten by God.

In Romans 12, Paul continues to write:

‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’

(verse 20 quoting Proverbs 25:21-22)

There is, of course, only one way for the man to not be eaten up with guilt and that is for him to turn to Christ; but if any man or woman does not, then the full consequence of sin, while not necessarily outworked in the temporal, will be in the eternal.

Forgiveness is therefore an act of the will; but it also a transaction in which the parties are always only the aggrieved and God.  Furthermore, for God it does cost, for when he forgives, He takes the penalty upon himself.

Forgiveness, then, is the fundamental transaction that restores the relationship of humankind to God – it is the very basis of salvation founded in mercy and justice:

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfilment – to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. (Ephesians 1:7-10)