And Pharisees came up to (Jesus) and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”  (Matthew 19:3-6)

The Pharisees want to trip up Jesus regarding divorce; Jesus counters by reaffirming marriage as a sacred union and one that should not be sundered by any person.  Jesus quotes from the ‘commentary’ in Genesis (2:24) and the Greek Matthew employs translated ‘join’ is the verb κολλάω kollaó, derived from kolla which means ‘glue’.  Marriage is solemn and life-long commitment in the eyes of God.

Notwithstanding, given this sacred and foundational relationship, the first between Adam and God, the second Adam and ‘the woman’, the Bible is silent on any rite or ceremony.  Only through scriptural inference can we find the elements that constitute marriage.   There are three characteristics that define marriage.

First, as stated, before God marriage can only exist between one man and one woman.  That these partners become one flesh infers that this is the only relationships where the sexual union is holy.  Paul helps us understand this mystery:

The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.  And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.  Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, ‘The two will become one flesh.’ But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own,for you were bought with a price. So, glorify God in your body. (1 Corinthians 6:13-20)

This speaks to God’s sacred creation, that of a creature in his own likeness:

So, God created man in his own image,
    in the image of God he created him;
    male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:27)

In choosing to marry, a man and a woman honour God, who sanctifies their carnal relations.  Moreover, the sexual act is procreative and is required if we are to obey God’s instruction to our forefather and mother, ‘to be fruitful and populate the earth’ (ibid 1:28).  

But there is choice here.  Jesus did not marry and therefore did not have sexual relations.  Paul says this, quoting a previous teaching.

‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.’ But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.  (1 Corinthians 7:1-2)

Paul also states that in giving of yourself in marriage (becoming one flesh) the sexual act should not be abstained from at the cost of other partner’s conjugal rights.  (This is of course, within a Godly union that if only by Jesus’ commandment to love others as yourself, cannot uphold abuse).

Nor need we be prudish; the inclusion of the Song of Solomon in the sacred canon of the Bible celebrates the physical consummation of marriage (and any attempt to make this poetically descriptive book metaphorical stretches all credibility).  In this we may see that the state of innocence is partially reinstated within Godly marriage. 

Contrast:

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (ibid 2:25)

With how Adam and the woman looked on each other immediately after the act of disobedience, eating the forbidden fruit:

Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. (ibid 3:7)

Thereafter, nakedness, especially any display of pudenda, is always shameful (see Genesis 9:23) but not within the sanctity of marriage. 

Secondly, the quotation by Jesus reaffirms Scripture (specifically, the Torah) by recognising the family relationship, ‘a man will leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife’.  Jesus does not cancel the ten commandments and indeed of the four he repeats to the Rich Young Ruler is the fifth commandment ‘honour your father and mother’ (Matthew 19:19).  See here in Paul, also,

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.‘Honour your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise),‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’ (Ephesian 6:1-2)

A man and woman inclined to wed must, therefore, not only respect God but their respective parents.  To honour God, they must also honour their fathers and mothers.

The third element to marriage is that it cannot exist in the shadows, but must be a public declaration of mutual commitment.  As we have observed, Jesus’ teaching on marriage is in answer to a question on divorce, and he answers this way:

^‘And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.’ Matthew 19:9

Divorce, outside of Jesus’ limitations, and adultery are transgressional acts, but in order to determine transgression necessitates general knowledge of the existence of the exclusive relationship beyond the married couple and their family.

When Abraham conceals his marriage to Sarah it had dire consequences:

…the Lord afflicted Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai, Abram’s wife. So, Pharaoh called Abram and said, “What is this you have done to me? Why did you not tell me that she was your wife? Why did you say, ‘She is my sister’, so that I took her for my wife? Now then, here is your wife; take her, and go.”  (Genesis 12:17-19)

The public arena is, of course, that of the civic and legal.  Given Jesus also upholds earthly legal authority (see also Romans 13:1), a Godly couple needs must observe the civic custom and attain the legal status of marriage.

Thus, we can infer then that there are three elements that must be observed in the marriage rite relating to three audiences in front of which the couple conduct their solemn and live-long commitment:

• God
• Family (added to which are any who know the couple, such as the circle of friends)
• Public/Civic (those who do know the couple)

But one may note that the Bible is also silent on other elements of the marriage rite.  The Law of Moses, that covers many ceremonial aspects of Godly observance, including domestical and familial, does not comment on how a wedding is conducted.  It may seem strange that the rite of passage into such a foundational relationship is not covered when other aspects are, such as who people between  whom sexual relations (and be married to) is lawful – it is from this we understand incest; however, when Scripture is silent, God leaves the choice to us.  

So, whether there is wedding ceremony or what form it takes; there is an officiate or an order of service; vows are taken or rings exchanged – all is a choice God leaves to us.  And if any should argue, say, that a priest is necessary to issue a wedding blessing, then we enter the matter of the disputable over the doctrinal that Paul examines in Romans.

One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. The one who observes the day, observes it in honour of the Lord. The one who eats, eats in honour of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honour of the Lord and gives thanks to God. (Romans 14:5-6)

Using two examples, first a Sabbath day of the week sacrificially offered up to God and second, abstaining from eating sacrificial meat, Paul says that this is a personal choice, adding that we should not judge each other on such choices (ibid 14:10).

By extension, it should be noted that if anyone who does not recognise God and therefore cares to honour him, wishes to extend the definition of marriage to include same sex couples, or indeed choose to ignore marriage as sacred institution then God is gracious and Christians need not condemn or attempt to foist a Biblical view.  However, if any would please God and declare themselves to be disciples of Jesus Christ, then obedience to his God’s Word is required.  In either case, God will judge and his judgement will be just.